Tag Archive > motherhood

PhDs versus childbirth

People often say that writing a PhD is like giving birth to a baby. Having given both these projects a whirl in recent years, I’ve decided that some parts of the analogy are more apt than others.
Like making a new human, enrolling in a Doctor of Philosophy program often seems like a good [...]

Continue reading

, ,

Too posh to push?

THE world is full of wacky urban myths. Richard Gere rushing to hospital for a gerbilectomy. The average human swallowing eight spiders a year. A reflective George W. Bush smiling wryly as he admits: “I think I was unprepared for war. In other words I didn’t campaign and say, ‘Please vote for me, I’ll be [...]

Continue reading

, ,

Save us from the sexy babies

AN American blogger is berating parents for buying their babies bibs with “hottie” logos. She accuses these parental pimps of advertising their kiddies as prostitots and encouraging pedophiles: “I have to wonder if they think about the child predators who claim that kids are flirting with them or asking for it,” the blogger writes.
This, awfully [...]

Continue reading

, , ,

Baby on board

FOR a long time I didn’t get the “Baby on Board” car sign thing.
I agreed with comedian George Carlin (who described these as the three most puke-inducing words invented), and preferred parodies such as Pit Bull on Board, Ex-Boyfriend in Boot or Warning: Baby is Closer Than it Appears.
Rumour had it that these annoying yellow [...]

Continue reading

, ,

Pink isn’t for this girl

LAST weekend I tried to buy my daughter a toy tip-truck. In our inner-city see-saw zone, Tonka-type items are crucial for the moving of playground bark from one spot to another, an activity that can absorb the average attention-deficited ankle biter for a truly gratifying number of minutes.
In our inner-city see-saw zone, there’s also a lot [...]

Continue reading

, , ,

Let me leave in peace

DEAR sections 18 and 31c of the NSW Crimes Act,
The other night my toddler let off one of those midnight poo missiles that sprayed detritus as far as the nose could smell. There was poo in her pyjamas, poo dripping from Elmo and poo smeared cave-girl style over the bedroom wall.
Scraping up someone else’s shit [...]

Continue reading

,

Scummy mummies

THE new face of Westfield shopping centres is not a supermodel. She has the turning circle of a Kombi, leaking nipples and a T-shirt smeared with white gunk that may have once lived inside a human being.
She is Melbourne comedian Nelly Thomas and she is tearing herself away from organising her daughter’s first birthday party [...]

Continue reading

, ,

Wild knitting

LIKE many Australian women, what I really wanted for Mother’s Day was a plate of paid maternity leave with a side of quality, tax-deductible child care.
Sadly, the Australian Prime Minister and his flunkies are like a gaggle of well-meaning youngsters who promise mum breakfast in bed, then struggle with the harsh realities of the modern [...]

Continue reading

, , , ,